Words you should never see in a text from your sister: Sex. Mom. Print.

It may have said "Mom wants you to print off the recipe for the Better than Sex cake and bring it to her."

I shouldn't read my texts so fast. I got none of the actual message the first time I read that. Here is a sampling of texts I have received this week. I'll protect the guilty by not calling them out on what they say to me:

"Skateboard your face." (ok, from two weeks ago.)

"I can get drunk alone in the comfort of my own home."

"B told me you live in a department."

"We can chip carve a dragon into it. I learned how to do that on "Wayne's Woodworking" on the Create Channel."

"I have to figure out how to configure my desk so I can lie down."

"**pictures of them with their cats.**"

"Get in my bed."

"Pow pow pow. *Banana Gun.*"

"I can only recommend drowning."

"I've determined 1 tap dance stalk is worth 5 window stalks."

"Do you have a microwave? Do you want elbow macaroni?"

"Can I drop off the robes?"

"We should male plans when I'm home."

"Chill calm time, totally cranky-uterus friendly."

"Also...what is patchouli? A lover...or a tyrant?"

"Freshman yes!"

"Wait, do you have to wear underwear with that?"

I don't think I really even need to share some of the things I texted back. Next time.